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Be more disagreeable…

Kirsten Goodwin | Naked Confidence Coach

I could barely watch it 😱

Jordan Peterson’s interview with C4 reporter Cathy Newman made for uncomfortable viewing.

She was trying to undermine his arguments about the gender pay gap, and unfortunately didn’t manage to do it very effectively 😬


Even people whose views you don’t agree with might have something interesting to say – and I think he does:

 – his interpretation of the concept of “agreeableness” 🤔

“Agreeableness” is one of the Big Five personality traits.  He didn’t invent these – they have a long history, starting in the 1930s, and are defined (by Encyclopedia Britannica) as:

⭐️ Openness to experience: an individual’s inquisitiveness, thoughtfulness, and propensity for intellectually challenging tasks.

⭐️ Conscientiousness: an individual’s sense of responsibility and impulse-control as well as foresight.

⭐️ Extraversion: assertive, energetic, and outgoing behaviours.

⭐️ Agreeableness: empathic, sympathetic, and kind behaviours.

⭐️ Neuroticism: equivalent to the degree of emotional stability a person has. 

(Handily making the acronym OCEAN – coaches love an acronym 😉)

It’s the concept of “agreeableness” that’s important today.

Jordan’s theory is simple.  He says:

Agreeable people are compassionate and polite. And agreeable people get paid less than disagreeable people for the same job. Women are more agreeable than men.

While this is obviously a sweeping generalisation, I believe there is something in it! 🤔

I’ve seen it in myself – I remember bursting into tears when asking my boss why my (male) colleague had been started higher on the pay scale than me, when we’d been promoted at the same time from the grade below – because I found the situation so unbearably awkward.  (But in hindsight, at least I asked! 😂)

And, although the interview is from 2018, I see it in clients all the time now:

🥺 resisting putting themselves forward for opportunities, or asking for pay rises

🥺 not building supportive networks so they have champions inside their organisations

🥺 putting the team’s needs before their own.

I’m not saying we want to be trampling on people on our way to the top – that is absolutely NOT the way I want to succeed.

But I also don’t want myself, or my clients, to be losing out because they are being too AGREEEABLE 😢

Sometimes “fairness” isn’t where we think it is… ⚖️

So when you’re thinking about your future career progression, or pay negotiations, ask yourself the question: “am I being too agreeable”? 🤷‍♀️

And instead, can you use the tactic recommended by Alistair Campbell and Rory Stewart (as suggested by a client):

disagree agreeably.

Now THAT’s an approach I can wholeheartedly endorse 🥰

Wishing you a positive, productive, and A-HEALTHY-AMOUNT-OF-AGREEABLENESS-filled week! 😄🔥💪  

with much love 😊🧡

Kirsten xx

Kirsten Goodwin

The Naked Confidence™ Coach

Hired to help female leaders feeling the pain and pressure of their position. Transforming your Mindset AND Skillset 🔥 Banish your Imposter, and find your way, your confidence, & your edge.

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