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The fundamental flaw…

Kirsten Goodwin | Naked Confidence Coach

According to legend, carpet-weavers in Persia used to deliberately include a flaw in each rug

– because only Allah could be perfect ✨ (This is known as the Persian Flaw.)

We seem to have forgotten this, {first_name}, and “perfect” is now all too often the goal.

But perfectionism is a dangerous, insidious disease, and it’s very common with Imposter Syndrome – in fact, one of the 5 types of Imposter (as defined by Valerie Young) is the Perfectionist 😞

But it’s much easier to be aware of your perfectionist tendencies than to know what to do about them! 🤷‍♀️

So here are three things you can do.

1️⃣ First, change your goal

“Perfect” is not the best goal.  It’s too binary – something is either perfect, or not, which is not the way most things work – there are shades of grey.

And it’s too inexact – what is perfect anyway? The answer will be different depending on what you’re doing, and who it’s for.

Instead, aim for “fit for purpose” 💪

A Board or client paper will have a different standard required compared to an internal document.  A meeting with a potential funder will benefit from a different approach to a meeting with HR.

Think to yourself before you start something: what does fit for purpose look like? Get it clear in your head so you really know what you’re aiming for 🤔

And once you’ve got there, stop! 😉

Remember the 80/20 rule – 80% of your results come from 20% of your actions.  Spending an extra hour (or ten) on something may not change its impact significantly, or at all!  And think of the opportunity cost – you could be using that time on something much more impactful instead… 🔥

2️⃣ Second, change your language.

This will help to help free you from the prison of perfectionist thinking

– “perfect” can become another one of those sticks to beat yourself up with, just like those Tyrannical Shoulds… 😩

❗️I don’t say to Jemima “practice makes perfect”, I say “practice makes PROGRESS”. 

❗️Rather than saying “perfect!” in response to something, I say “ideal!” or “great!”.

These can seem like small, insignificant changes, but remember,

“watch what you tell yourself – you’re like to believe it”

If you’re using the word “perfect”, you’re telling your brain this is what is expected of you.  And that’s simply not helpful… 🥺

3️⃣ And finally, remember the power of IMperfection

The paediatrician & psychotherapist Dr Charles Winnicott defined the concept of “the good enough mother” in 1953.

What he said was that if a mother (or primary care giver) is “perfect”, always tending “perfectly” to their child’s needs, then the child grows up unable to handle the slings and arrows of real life.

What a child actually benefits from most is a mother/ care giver that makes mistakes sometimes – that isn’t perfect.  Because every time the child experiences something imperfect, and survives, they learn they can cope.

Resilience is created, and built 💪💪💪

If you are “perfect” (which I think is unachievable anyway…), you are setting impossible standards for those around you to live up to.  You are preventing others from the opportunity to make mistakes themselves, and by this, to learn and grow. 

You are causing more harm than good! 😱

So “perfect” isn’t actually a good goal.  Instead, what you want is to be GOOD ENOUGH 😊💪

Free yourself of the tyranny of perfectionism – it’s not achievable, and it’s hugely unhelpful, both to you and those around you.

Wishing you a positive, productive, and GOOD ENOUGH-filled week! 😊🔥💪  I hope the sun is shining wherever you are 😎

with much love 😊🧡

Kirsten xx

Kirsten Goodwin

The Naked Confidence™ Coach

Hired to help female leaders feeling the pain and pressure of their position. Transforming your Mindset AND Skillset 🔥 Banish your Imposter, and find your way, your confidence, & your edge.

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Kirsten Goodwin

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